I Want to Die
by AquilaTempestas
Summary: Rei leaves Mariah for another girl and in a state of grief, she writes a letter about suicide.


**Disclaimer**

The rights to Beyblade belong to Takao Aoki. Song lyrics are taken from Mortal Love's 'I Want to Die'.

**Title**

I Want to Die

**Summary**

Rei leaves Mariah for another girl and in a state of grief, she writes a letter about suicide.

**.**

_I'm too tired of this life__  
__All I need is my big sleep_

Why did he do this to me? He said he loved me and wanted to marry me. How could he spend so much time with her and not care how I feel. I can not handle this with classes and mums problem. The classes are getting to much for me to copy with. I wish I could just die, then I wouldn't be a problem to everyone.

_You are so far away__  
__You love someone else_

Mums drinking is getting worse and I can not handle it. She is showing Lee and Gary that it is okay to drink a lot but also to drink and drive. I'm so confused all we do is fight. Whenever I'm in the house it is always fighting. I want out of all of it. Please make it all stop. Take the confusion away.

_Another day passed me by  
Another day filled with pain_

I'm all alone, nobody cares whether I live or die. All I ever do is cause problems for everyone. How can I get him back? That bastard doesn't know how much he means to me and my life. I don't have a life without him.

_You are not here  
You're with someone else_

Mum and Gary have left me. Can't they see how bad I am. Don't they care? Please God do something for me and make this my time to go. I can not make the grades like Lee and I'm so ugly nobody wants to care for me. I'm so stupid to think that he could've cared for me. I can't make it through school, I cause my family problems and I can't keep a man in my life. I'm a failure in everything that is important to me. The only way out of this is to die.

_I love you to death__  
__You love someone else_

How can I trust anyone? I want to say goodbye to mum, Gary and Lee. You are my family and mean more to me than my life. I'm sorry I have caused you so many problems and fights.

_So I just wanna die_

Mum I wish I could've been the person you and Dad wanted me to be. But I'm not smart, pretty, athletic, or skinny. I know that you and Dad never wanted me when I was born and I wish like hell that I never was born. I can't do anything right and all I do is cause the rest of the family to fight.

_Create hate__  
__I hate myself for loving you_

Why can't I have a talk with anyone. You're all so busy and here I sit. Please someone do something so I can't feel the hurt anymore. I hurt so bad, what can I do?

_We have touched for the last time__  
__You are long gone, in love with someone else__  
__I now fear nothing but life itself_

I'm trying to watch TV but I don't know what I'm watching. It's so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won't come. I'm so tired of hurting and being alone. I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I'm scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I'm scared I won't stop and I would want to stop.

_And I have learned that living is just a slow way to die__  
__I do not believe in life or in love anymore.__  
__The joy I feel are the joys of emptiness_

Nobody cares why should I? I cause problems for everyone I care about so why should I stay. Why am I such a terrible person. Nothing I do is right. I don't understand.

_I hate myself for loving you__  
__The fear I feel night after night has developed into a disease__  
__No-one can see the emptiness in my eyes._

I don't have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can't make it right by living. I'm so scared I want out but oh I don't know.

_To escape life itself now seems the only solution__  
__With relief I look forward of letting go of the pain__  
__Finally... there is peace in my soul__  
_

I wish he would call to say everything is all right. I've lost the most important thing in my life. I'm so very tired of being alone, and making everyone miserable.

_To lie dead without a concern , without a tear,__  
__You own my heart__  
__And life without you is so immensely painful_

I'm so fat, ugly and stupid, how can I expect me to be able to do anything right? I've failed at everything. There is nothing for me here. I don't want to go on. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Please believe me. I love you all so very much, and I don't want to hurt you anymore.

_To lie dead without a concer , without a tear,__  
__You own my heart__  
__And life without you is so immensely painful_

I'm so cold, please do something. I can't stand this empty feeling that I'm having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I'm breaking into pieces.

_Just to think of you, talk about you, dream of you makes tears stream down__  
__my face__  
__I cannot imagine happiness without your beautiful smile, your angelic face,__  
__your wonderful body and your good heart:_

Somebody do something.

_You are everything, I am nothing__  
__I want to die__  
__But really... I am already dead_

I will not live.

**.**

Erm... how was it? It may seem a little out of place, but keep in mind this is my attempt at trying to get in the head of a suicidal person. As for the numerous spelling mistakes, they are intentional as they highlight the mental instability during this time of grief. Thoughts are much appreciated.


End file.
